Change Comes Little By Little
We often become frustrated with ourselves, wanting to change bad behavior, but seemingly incapable of making the changes we desire. Each week we confess the same sins over and over. We know the priest has heard the same confession, week after week, and we’re aware that he could probably say our confession for us, having heard it that often. What we don’t seem to know is that there is a simple reason for our repetition. These bad behaviors only seem to be unchangeable because we don’t really struggle with the passions in a way that will bring about successful change.
For the person who always flies off the handle in anger, there is the matter of habit. Their temper flares up because of what the other person has done, so the outburst is really not about them, but about the other person. Change, therefore, becomes almost impossible. The person who is always stretching the truth is aware of their sin, but the habit is so strongly held, they find themselves lying before even realizing their confessed sin is being repeated. The overeater makes a commitment to lose weight, but makes no attempt to empty the refrigerator of the very leftover cake that was a temptation the night before. So, while watching television, the thought comes into their mind that there is that one piece of cake remaining, and they rush forth that final consumption. Almost like magic, there is another cake sitting on the counter by the next afternoon.
We all have had moments like this, when we seemingly can’t stop the bad behavior that we confess over and over, almost like a litany. Our captivity to this bad behavior seems permanent, and change impossible. Yet if we make a concerted effort to change, little by little, we will find we really can master those stubborn behaviors that seem so insurmountable. Instead of beating ourselves up each time we fall, we take those little baby steps, and little by little, we make progress. That cake we consumed becomes our last piece, because this time we don’t go near the row in the grocery store where we know the bakery goods are displayed. We manage to curb our temper because we made a commitment to get through just two hours around that person in the office who pushes our buttons, and when the two hours passes, we have reason to pat ourselves on the back. We pass half a day without inventing a new story about ourselves, and before long, we are no longer confessing that sin. Little by little, we find we can change bad behavior.
“A man cannot correct himself all of a sudden, but it is like pulling a barge – pull, pull, and let go, let go! Not all at once, but little by little. Do you know the mast on a ship? There is a pole to which is tied all of the ship’s lines. If you pull on it then everything gradually pulls. But if you take it all at once, you will ruin everything (St. Ambrose of Optina).”
Love in Christ,
Abbot Tryphon
Monday October 17, 2022 / October 4, 2022
19th Week after Pentecost. Tone one.
Hieromartyr Hierotheus, bishop of Athens (1st c.).
Uncovering of the relics (1595) of St. Gurias, first archbishop of Kazan (1563) and St. Barsanuphius, bishop of Tver (1576).
Synaxis of All Saints of Kazan.
New Hieromartyr Demetrius priest (1918).
New Hieromartyrs Demetrius priest Nicholas, Micael, Jacob and Tikhon priests, Martyr Basil (1937).
St. Khionia confessor (1945).
St. Vladimir Yaroslavich, prince of Novgorod (1052), and his mother, St. Anna of Novgorod (1050).
Venerables Helladius and Onesimus of the Near Caves in Kiev (12th-13th c.).
Venerable Ammon of the Far Caves in Kiev (13th c.).
Martyrs Gaius, Faustus, Eusebius, and Chaeremon of Alexandria (3rd c.).
Venerable Peter of Capitolia, bishop of Bostra (715).
Martyrs Domnina and her daughters Berenice (Bernice) and Prosdoce, of Syria (4th c.).
Venerable Paul the Simple (340) and Venerable Ammon (350), of Egypt, disciples of St. Anthony the Great.
Martyr Adauctus and his daughter St. Callisthene, of Ephesus (4th c.).
0Martyr Stephen (Stiljanovich) of Serbia (1515) and his wife, St. Elena (Serbia).
Blessed Elizabeth of Serbia (Greek).
St. Theodore the Wonderworker, bishop of Tamassos in Cyprus (2nd. c.).
St. John (Lampadistes) of Cyprus (10th c.).
Sts. Jonah and Nectarius of Kazan, monks (16th c.).
Martyr Evdemoz the Catholicos of Georgia (1642).
Venerable Peor recluse of the Kiev Caves (13 c.).
St. Peter (Michurin) of Siberia (1820).
The Scripture Readings
Philippians 1:1-7
Greeting
1 Paul and Timothy, bondservants of Jesus Christ,
To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, with the bishops and deacons:
2 Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Thankfulness and Prayer
3 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, 4 always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, 5 for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; 7 just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace.
Luke 6:24-30
Jesus Pronounces Woes
24 “But woe to you who are rich,
For you have received your consolation.
25 Woe to you who are full,
For you shall hunger.
Woe to you who laugh now,
For you shall mourn and weep.
26 Woe to you when all men speak well of you,
For so did their fathers to the false prophets.
Love Your Enemies
27 “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,28 bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. 29 To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.