Holding up Standards of Behavior
We have all witnessed those embarrassing moments when someone has lost their temper. The boss who comes into the office with family worries, and shouts at his secretary, often over something very insignificant. We sat uncomfortably as a hostess made a nasty remark to her husband, in front of their dinner guests. We’ve suffered the unpleasantness of seeing parents correct their children in a demeaning way, in front of their little friends. Yet, if we are honest with ourselves, we have likely embarrassed others with our own outbursts of anger, while retreating a short time later with regret.
We may be justified in seeing the need for correcting an employee, or a child, regarding their behavior, but how much easier our message could be heard if it were delivered in a soft voice, and without anger. An angry voice immediately puts the other person in a defensive mode, and they are hardly able to hear what could be a very valuable correction.
We all have had opportunities to improve ourselves when we’ve received corrections about sloppy work performance, or when we’ve learned from a spouse the need for doing our share around the house. As an abbot I would be failing in my fatherly duties if I never corrected the behavior, or the laziness, of one of the monks under monastic obedience, yet it is in the tone of the delivery that true progress can be made, and where the correction is received with the knowledge the monk is loved by his abbot.
Sometimes we may find ourselves stuck in old habits, and sharing our displeasure with an employee, or a family member, or a friend, without an angry tone to our voice takes great effort on our part. We don’t hear how we sound to the other person, so when we hear them respond with the words, “you don’t have to shout”, our response, “I’m not shouting”, is even louder.
There is not one of us who has any excuse for using a gruff voice when speaking to another, yet old habits are hard to overcome. The boss who finally becomes aware of how he sounds to his employees, should begin changing his behavior by calling all his office personnel together, and offering an apology. This boss should not see this apology as undermining his authority, or as an open invitation to his employees for bad job performance. In truth, the opposite will take place. His employees will feel respected by their boss, and will find they want to please him, and go the extra mile to make the company the very best in the business.
By letting those under our authority, be they our children, or our employees, receive corrections in a quiet, respectful tone, we enable them to know they are loved and respected by us, and our expectation of excellence on their part is based on our respect for them. We demonstrate excellence by making sure we keep those standards of performance, ourselves. We will be amazed at their response, and will, in turn, find we are able to keep our cool during those moments when they disappoint us.
Change can begin with a simply apology on our part, for if we truly desire others to carry their weight, or do their part in making the household, or office run smoothly, we will recognize the absolute necessity that we humble ourselves, and ask forgiveness when we have been angry, or when the tone of our voice has obscured our intended correction, and hurting those around us. For us to expect others to change for the good, we must change ourselves.
With love in Christ,
Abbot Tryphon
Tuesday October 5, 2021 / September 22, 2021
16th Week after Pentecost. Tone six.
Prophet Jonah (9th c. B.C.).
Hieromartyr Phocas, bishop of Sinope (117).
Venerable Jonah the Presbyter (9th c.), father of St. Theophanes the Hymnographer and St. Theodore Graptus.
Blessed Parasceve od Diveevo (1915).
New Martyr Benjamin bishop of Romanovsk (1930).
Venerable Jonah, abbot of Yash Lake (1589).
Venerable Macarius, abbot of Zhabyn (1623).
Synaxis of All Saints of Tula.
Martyr Phocas the Gardener of Sinope (320).
St. Peter the Tax-collector of Constantinople (6th c.).
Hieromartyr Theodosius of Brazsk (1694) (Romania).
The 26 Martyrs of Zographou Monastery, Mt. Athos, martyred by the Latins (1284) (Greek).
Martyrs Isaac and Martin.
Venerable Theophanes the Silent, recluse of the Kiev Caves.
Venerable Cosmas, desert-dweller of Zographou, Mt. Athos (1323) (Greek).
Hieromartyr Emmeram, bishop in Gaul, martyred at Regensburg (690) (Bavaria)
Icon of the Most Holy Theotokos “She Who is Quick to Hear” (14th C).
The Scripture Readings
Galatians 5:11-21
11 And I, brethren, if I still preach circumcision, why do I still suffer persecution? Then the offense of the cross has ceased. 12 I could wish that those who trouble you would even [a]cut themselves off!
13 For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!
Walking in the Spirit
16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: [b]adultery, [c]fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, [d]murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Luke 3:23-4:1
The Genealogy of Jesus Christ
23 Now Jesus Himself began His ministry at about thirty years of age, being (as was supposed) the son of Joseph, the son of Heli, 24 the son of Matthat, the son of Levi, the son of Melchi, the son of Janna, the son of Joseph, 25 the son of Mattathiah, the son of Amos, the son of Nahum, the son of Esli, the son of Naggai, 26 the son of Maath, the sonof Mattathiah, the son of Semei, the son of Joseph, the son of Judah, 27 the son of Joannas, the son of Rhesa, the son of Zerubbabel, the son of Shealtiel, the son of Neri, 28 the son of Melchi, the son of Addi, the son of Cosam, the son of Elmodam, the son of Er, 29 the son of Jose, the son of Eliezer, the son of Jorim, the son of Matthat, the son of Levi, 30 the son of Simeon, the son of Judah, the son of Joseph, the son of Jonan, the son of Eliakim, 31 the son of Melea, the son of Menan, the son of Mattathah, the son of Nathan, the son of David, 32 the son of Jesse, the son of Obed, the son of Boaz, the sonof Salmon, the son of Nahshon, 33 the son of Amminadab, the son of Ram, the son of Hezron, the son of Perez, the son of Judah, 34 the son of Jacob, the son of Isaac, the sonof Abraham, the son of Terah, the son of Nahor, 35 the son of Serug, the son of Reu, the son of Peleg, the son of Eber, the son of Shelah, 36 the son of Cainan, the son of Arphaxad, the son of Shem, the son of Noah, the son of Lamech, 37 the son of Methuselah, the son of Enoch, the son of Jared, the son of Mahalalel, the son of Cainan, 38 the son of Enosh, the son of Seth, the son of Adam, the son of God.