Supporting Your Priest

You can better help your priest and bishop by understanding this one thing

Parish priests feel pressures that are found in no other profession, yet the type of man who is generally drawn to the holy priesthood is one who is willing to take on this burden, for the sake of serving others. These men, both bishops and priests, are often expected to do far more than is humanly possible. As fathers to their people, they are expected to be superhuman, and judged if they are not.

Over the years I’ve heard countles stories of parish priests having to forgo vacations at the last moment because a sudden death in their parish required them to cancel airline tickets, or road trips, leaving both they and their families without the much needed time away. One priest told me how his young son had been looking forward to a camping trip and cried when his dad had to tell him they couldn’t go, because an important family in the parish requested that only he could do the funeral, while rejecting another priest who was willing to step in.

Countless priests miss dinner with their families because wedding rehearsals, hospital calls, counseling sessions, and funerals prevent them from spending the evening with their families. The average priest has Monday off, yet is expected to forgo his only day off if someone needs to see him, or a parish council decides to have a meeting that evening. Parishioners demand their priest be available whenever they need him, regardless of the time of day, or the needs of his family.

One priest told me of having to performed the baptism of a child, for a family that rarely came to church, only to have them walk out immediately following the service, leaving him to mop up the spilled water, while they and their friends ran off to celebrate at a restaurant. He was given such a pitiful stipend for his services that he just dropped it in the poor box. They didn’t even invite him to join them at the restaurant, and although he said he wouldn’t have had the time to join them, the invitation to do so would have been nice.

Most clergy receive a very small salary, and are expected by their parishioners to be happy with what they get. The stipend is thus very important to the priest, yet I know of countless clergy who travel many miles from their rectory, bless the home, and receive nothing for their services, although the normal stipend for such extra services like this is one hundred dollars.

Like all children, priest’s kids need time with their father. While most jobs allow dads to leave their job at work, providing themselves plenty of time to meet the needs of their children, but not in the case of priests. Being on call 24/7, the families of priests often have to forgo planned meals, outings, and family affairs, because of the demands of their people. Yet most priests have such a strong desire to be in service, they simply can’t get themselves to say no.

The children of priests, as well as their wives, also must suffer the undo scrutiny of the parishioners, expected, as they are, to be perfect. Given all this, is it any wonder the children of priests often wouldn’t think of becoming priests themselves? And, please, whatever you do, don’t criticize your priest in front of his family. How often I’ve heard priest’s wives and children lament having to put up with attacks on their husbands and fathers, by people who don’t think he’s doing enough! People airing their grievances at parish meetings, with the children and wives of their clergy having to hear it all, is unconscionable.

I share all this with my readers because most of you are unaware just how difficult a job your priest has, and how much is demanded of him. Most of you love your priests but are just unaware that he rarely gets his own needs met. I remember one priest in Detroit, who lived in substandard housing, while all his parishioners lived in nice homes. No one made any effort to make sure their priest (single in his case) was living in medium income housing (the norm for most protestant churches).

As well, how can a priest provide for the education of his children when his salary is at the poverty line? One horror story I remember was of a priest whose parish council gave him an increase in salary that put him just over the line so he’d no longer qualify for food stamps, since this made the parish look bad. The priest and his family ended up with less, rather than more!

All of the above could be said for bishops as well. We really need to start taking care of our bishops, making sure they have adequate compensation, days off for restoration of soul and proper rest, and a whole lot less criticism from their people. We need to make sure our bishops are properly nourished and rested when making parish visitations, for pressuring our bishops to eat foods that are unhealthy, for the sake of a fancy banquet, ultimately puts the health of the bishop at stake.

Please love your priests and bishops, just as they love you. Show them you care by sending them a little gift on their names day, or emailing them on occasion, letting them know you care about them. Tell them when you’ve liked their homily, and invite they and their families to dinner on occasion. Let them know you care. Remember your bishop and priest with a thoughtful little gift, or a check, on Christmas and Pascha. Let them know you care about them, and make sure the parish council knows you think your priest should receive a proper salary. You’d be shocked at the average income of most protestant clergy compared to what most Orthodox priests receive.

And remember, the life of your priest can be greatly extended if you don’t allow him to work himself to death. Make sure he does take at least one day off, and gets away with his family for the much needed vacation. Tell him to turn off his cell phone on those days, and call the rectory before knocking on the door. You have no idea how many evenings with their families are derailed with a knock at the door.

I’m sharing all of this with you because I know your priest will not. He loves you and he loves Christ whom he serves. Make him pace himself and you’ll have him around to baptize your grandchildren. Don’t expect your priest and bishop to be perfect; and pray for them, honor and love them, and refrain from judging them.

With love in Christ,
Abbot Tryphon

Photo: Abbot Tryphon, together with Father Apostolos Hill, at Saint Nicholas Ranch.

Tuesday January 5, 2016 / December 23, 2015
32nd Week after Pentecost. Tone six.
Nativity (St. Philip’s Fast). Food with Oil
Forefeast of the Nativity of Christ.

Holy Ten Martyrs of Crete: Theodulus, Saturninus, Euporus, Gelasius, Eunician, Zoticus, Pompeius, Agathopus, Basilides, and Evaristus (250).
New Hieromartyr Basil priest and Hieromartyrs Macarius and John (1938).
St. Theoctistus, archbishop of Novgorod (1310).
Venerable Niphon bishop of Cyprus (4th c.).
Venerable Paul, bishop of Neo-Caesarea (4th c.).
St. Nahum of Ochrid, enlightener of the Bulgarians (910) (Bulgaria).
New Hieromartyrs John Piankov and Nicholas Yakhontov priests (1918).
Venerable David of Echmiadzin in Armenia (693).
Venerable Niphon, bishop of Cyprus (4th c.).
New Hieromartyr Paul (Kratirov) bishop of Starobelsk.
St. Egbert of Rathmelsigi (729) (Neth.).

Scripture Readings

James 3:1-10

The Untamable Tongue

3 My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. 2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. 3 Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. 4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.

See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. 8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.

Mark 10:2-12

2 The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him.

3 And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?”

4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.”

5 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 6 But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh’;  so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

10 In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. 11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”