The Caregiver

Caregivers must also care for themselves

My dear mother was diagnosed with dementia, back in 2003. Soon after the diagnosis I moved her from Coeur d’ Alene, Idaho, and into an assisted living place on Vashon Island, where I could be involved in the supervision of her care. The dementia progressed for the next four years, and almost from the beginning, she needed me to be with her as much as possible. I spent hours every day by her side, taking her on drives around the island, treating her to lunches in the Chinese restaurant, and bringing her to the monastery for services. Attending to her spiritual and social needs, as best I could, was a blessing for me.

My willingness to sacrifice my time and energy for my mother, in her time of need, was based not only on my love for her, but I saw this as an opportunity to pay her back for all the love and care she had given me while I was growing up.

Increasingly, people of my generation are being called upon to be caregivers for parents, siblings, or other family members. As the economy falters, we are, as a society having to take on responsibilities that were in past generations, the norm. Extended families were common during most of our nations history, where multiple generations living in one home was the norm. The elderly were seldom sent to live in institutions.

It is important that caregivers not sacrifice their own spiritual and social needs, as they take on the extra burden of attending to the physical, medical, and social needs of their family member. Caregivers have every right to have a life of their own, taking care to attend to their own needs for friendships, social engagements, and church life. The caregiver must not feel guilty, or feel they are betraying their loved one, when they step out with friends for dinner and a movie. They should not feel they are abandoning their responsibility by attending the divine services, or partaking in a Bible study.

I know only too well, that, as a priest, I must tend to my own needs if I am to minister to others. When we allow ourselves to be depleted, spiritually and emotionally, we do a disservice to those whom we serve. We should not feel a though we are betraying our family member, (or, in the case of a priest, a parishioner) when we spend an evening with friends, or take time out with other family members for a special outing. When we allow ourselves to become depleted, the person in our care will ultimately suffer, for a care giver (or priest) who becomes resentful, can slip into being abusive, without even realizing it.

There are any number of organizations that can provide in-home care when the caregiver needs a break. Whether you be a caregiver, social worker, or a priest, anyone who is in service to others, must be sure to take care of themselves, lest they become ineffective in their service to others. When flying on an airline, we are instructed by the flight attendant, when the oxygen apparatus falls down, to place it over our own face before taking care of the person next to us. Likewise, if we do not take care of our own spiritual, emotional, and social needs, we will ultimately fail in our ministering to others.

With love in Christ,
Abbot Tryphon

Wednesday May 11, 2016 / April 28, 2016
Second Week of Pascha. Tone one.
Fast. Fish Allowed

Apostles Jason and Sosipater of the Seventy, and their companions: Martyrs Saturninus, Jakischolus (Inischolus), Faustianus, Januarius, Marsalius, Euphrasius, Mammius, the Virgin Cercyra, and Christodolus the Ethiopian, at Corfu (1st. c.).
Martyrs Dada, Maximus, and Quintilian at Dorostolum (286).
Virgin-martyr Anna (1938).
St. Cyril, bishop of Turov (1183).
Martyrs Zeno, Eusebius, Neon, and Vitalis, who were converted by Apostles Jason and Sosipater.
Venerable Auxibius, bishop of Soli in Cyprus (102).
Venerable Cyriacus, abbot of Kargopol (Vologda) (1462).
Venerable Cronan, abbot of Roscrea, Ireland (7th c.) (Celtic & British).
Martyr John of Romania (Greek).
Nine Martyrs of Cyzicus. (Greek).
Miracle at Carthage (Greek).
Martyr Tibald of Pannonia (304).

Scripture Readings

Acts 4:13-22

The Name of Jesus Forbidden

13 Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated and untrained men, they marveled. And they realized that they had been with Jesus. 14 And seeing the man who had been healed standing with them, they could say nothing against it. 15 But when they had commanded them to go aside out of the council, they conferred among themselves, 16 saying, “What shall we do to these men? For, indeed, that a notable miracle has been done through them is evident to all who dwell in Jerusalem, and we cannot deny it. 17 But so that it spreads no further among the people, let us severely threaten them, that from now on they speak to no man in this name.”

18 So they called them and commanded them not to speak at all nor teach in the name of Jesus. 19 But Peter and John answered and said to them, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you more than to God, you judge. 20 For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.” 21 So when they had further threatened them, they let them go, finding no way of punishing them, because of the people, since they all glorified God for what had been done. 22 For the man was over forty years old on whom this miracle of healing had been performed.

John 5:17-24

17 But Jesus answered them, “My Father has been working until now, and I have been working.”

18 Therefore the Jews sought all the more to kill Him, because He not only broke the Sabbath, but also said that God was His Father, making Himself equal with God. 19 Then Jesus answered and said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner. 20 For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel. 21 For as the Father raises the dead and gives life to them, even so the Son gives life to whom He will. 22 For the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgment to the Son, 23 that all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.

Life and Judgment Are Through the Son

24 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.